The Science of Rhetoric

The two men in the image hail from opposite parts of the planet but share the same feather. One is Frank Abagnale who was a  a con man, check forger, and impostor. The movie on him featuring Leonardo Di Caprio was released in 2002, presently has an IMDB rating of 8.9/10. Here is our South Indian adaptation- obviously brown skin, would make a great Kannada textbook poster boy, hails from a village, has farmer parents, and a crazy amount of inspiring stories. He claims to be an expert at drones, and ' sorry adhunella disclose madak aagalla'  fields of study. He says the secret to his success is - "I have no girlfriend". If a movie would be made on him, he would  probably take up his own role , have a lot of VFX of course, and the movie would end up on Youtube. Drone Prathap makes huge claims about his achievements, claims to have carried 360 Kgs of drone equipment to Japan,  made 600 drones,  taken his drone at the speed of light to deliver anti-...

Imagine you are born in a perfect family, you have a complete childhood where you got almost everything you ever wanted. You look like the most flawless person that drug-soaked Leonardo Da Vinci could paint. You are given the best education, you score the best grades in college, you have the perfect job in the most perfect workplace (the USA according to the millenials) and you are now standing at New York Harbour possessing everything to make the Statue of Liberty put its book and torch aside, lie back, and spread its knees for you like Margot Robbie from The Wolf of Wall Street. Would you be able to call yourself the happiest person on the planet? Maybe you'd say, Fuck yeah, Govardhan. Who wouldn't want such a life? I would definitely call myself the happiest person on the planet if all that happened. Well, let us consider the case of what most people call perfect. We get a bunch of talented and model-shaped singers singing(ranting) unrelatable songs about their exes. W...

Imagine a world run without governments, laws, borders. Doesn't it seem like a fuck-all utopia? Imagine no passports, paperwork, taxes, policies or even legal age barriers. Someone could fuck around and misuse authority but still, hey, that sounds like freedom right? Which comes to the question- Why do we have a government? Who runs whom and why? Are we just a bunch of clean shaven sheep with a bell tied to the neck walking up to an election booth just to prove a few statistics? Is there even a need to vote? Are elections just a sham? Are they just trying to convince us that our involvement really matters? In India election is a mostly a pre scripted tale. Even with a literacy rate of 74.04% we have a majority of voters who elect their leaders based on religion and caste. Most first time voters who have no idea about politics vote for the party which is the family favorite or the friends/workplace favorite or, we-have-always-been-voting-for-them-because-they-triple-fisted-ou...

VIJAY MALLEABLE Oh, come on Govardhan, look, you are back at criticizing the rich people, the ballers, the top 1% of the 1%, the guys who get away with anything, why do you mess with someone who never gives a fuck about your existence, let alone read your goddamn blog? Well, here it is Jake Paulers, It isn't that I hate rich people, it is just that I hate people who misuse authority and power. The rulers, kings, oh well what about the king of good times? Vijay Mallya, the aforementioned king of good times is very well known as the founder of the liquor and soda company Kingfisher, a bird which later on spread its wings to fly as a successful airline and ended up shitting on our heads. Well, the bird started shitting so hard the government had to do something, so Mr. Manmohan Singh, the then prime minister urged the finance team to unfreeze his longstanding debt filled account and provided him a second chance, more loan and some sugar coated semen, believing that this could...

It's all about the money Rich rɪtʃ/ adjective Something you can never become. -Google (No wonder I take the Google dictionary seriously) Setting: Some cool place, round-table, circular permutations I'm sitting somewhere in that (n-1)! combinations among (n-1) rich kids, rest you take that Cengage-Algebra book from the library and do the math. (Cool story in past tense, please don't leave the blog midway and ask me in person to finish it) I was sitting in the middle of a few million-dollar-babies. The words they uttered were so mesmerizing. I was staring at those glossy lips as they uttered the language. They spoke about money, money, and one more thing...ahh money. I was the only middle-class kid in the group. Others were obviously stinking rich. They stunk harder than Bellandur lake. As I said, they spoke. Spoke about things which were in some way related to exposing their attribute of being rich. This time, they were talking about the best juic...

Every BMTC ride ever Everybody loves traveling. Even if it's not something a person frequently does, he/she puts it up on their list of hobbies to sound cool. I also called traveling a hobby when all I did was wear fancy boxers and ride my bicycle down lanes, making a few people think that I sell newspapers in the street. But honestly, traveling is fun. Unless you are standing between a few stinky-hairy, never-taken-bath uncles or aunties, in a bumpy BMTC bus ride. Still, public transport buses are always memorable. Every ride etches a beautiful memory in your brain or a filthy scar on your body. The struggles of catching a BMTC bus is real. You can feel the refreshing emotion when you see an empty bus riding towards you but you realize that it doesn't go to your destination. After that, climbing a bus is a real skill. People walk in and out at the same time. If you try to make the line, people are going to push you back to the bus stop and laugh at your IQ as they cl...

Puberty They were the crucial minutes before the exam when I was trying to remember everything I had crammed into my brain when my friend came to me, pointed at his jaw and said, "Hey, you see this dope beard I am getting bruh, see now you can see my jawline perfectly eh, I look so manly no ? Now I'm a man." I didn't know why he told me that. I wondered how a small line of beard made him a man. What was the joy in it? Why do you want to act like a man, when you are going to be a man in a few years. Being a man. Every boy these days has written this on his bucket list - "Be a man". I recall this. I was standing near my friend's house where I met two cute kids. They were playing badminton.(yeah Shuttel-kaak). Unfortunately, their cock got stuck in the tree. The shuttle-cock guys, come on. PV Sindhu, Saina Nehwal play with that one noe. The dirty-colored one with the ball kinda thing on the bottom and feathery things around it. Damn not that one di...

complicated ˈkɒmplɪkeɪtɪd/ adjective True story. I was at the local grocery store,(or what you call  tharakari angadi  in Kannada) and I saw two fat women arguing with the shopkeeper to reduce the price of the vegetables (yeah,  tharakari) . I stood a little far since I saw their salivas flying around. The helpless guy tried everything to convince the women and they wouldn't leave until they grabbed his balls, so I decided to go in and give them a break. I asked the guy, "Uncle where is TogeriBeliKaalu?" Furious as he was, he told me that they were in his pocket. I was a 4th standard kid and I barely understood sarcasm. I said, "Okay uncle, I will take 1/4th kg", and reached towards his pocket to take out some TogeriBeliKaalu. You can obviously predict what happened after that. But that day, I went back home and did extensive research on such people. I even kept a book to write down notes(still have it). Then I came to a...

Food at Wedding ceremonies (Food at "South Indian" Wedding ceremonies to be in specific) Food is an essential factor for survival. We all eat food, and that is completely normal. If you grew up in South India, you will get to visit many weddings occasionally where you will have to eat the food they serve there as their token of gratitude. At these places, you gain valuable knowledge and moral values which could help you in leading a life. It is like this - If you have ever sat at the conventional collective dinner tradition at a South Indian Wedding and if you ever learned anything from it, you can face anything in life. So let us now deeply analyze the experiences at a South Indian wedding ceremony. I Bet you could relate a few things. Okay, so you enter the hall where everyone is expected to sit down and eat dinner. If the organizers are generous/rich enough, they provide chairs, or else you need to sit on the floor on arranged mats. Now, since I mentioned - ...

The Art of Invention After a few months of my birth, or say when I could crawl and transport my body to places in the house, I would sometimes curiously admire the weird and sophisticated things around me. Every time I saw something cool, I tried to open it up and look for what made the device do that. So if curiosity rose in me, you could see me sitting in the pool of silicon chips and broken gadgets. Maybe that is the reason why my parents never gave me the actual gadgets, and preferred fooling me with the toy cameras, remotes, laptops and a special mention to the barbie phones where each button played a weird song,"Imma babbie gaall..". Quite economical right. There is a big market for such toys on this planet with crazy children. So, yes I was curious. School. As I entered Kindergarten, I would always come across this one weird uncle with a grin smile ask me, "Eshtu kg kanappa neenu?"(How many Kgs are you) and expect me to answer LK...