Complicated people and China

complicated

ˈkɒmplɪkeɪtɪd/

adjective

True story. I was at the local grocery store,(or what you call tharakari angadi in Kannada) and I saw two fat women arguing with the shopkeeper to reduce the price of the vegetables (yeah, tharakari). I stood a little far since I saw their salivas flying around. The helpless guy tried everything to convince the women and they wouldn't leave until they grabbed his balls, so I decided to go in and give them a break. I asked the guy, "Uncle where is TogeriBeliKaalu?" Furious as he was, he told me that they were in his pocket. I was a 4th standard kid and I barely understood sarcasm. I said, "Okay uncle, I will take 1/4th kg", and reached towards his pocket to take out some TogeriBeliKaalu. You can obviously predict what happened after that. But that day, I went back home and did extensive research on such people. I even kept a book to write down notes(still have it). Then I came to a conclusion. They are called Complicated people. So, Complicated people are like the elaichi in your Biriyani. You like them or not, they are going to exist.
Deep analysis of complicated people give remarkable outputs for studying human psychology.

Complicatedness is a twisted trait in the body and complicated people cannot do anything straight. They have to increase mess on this planet and now also want to and find other habitable planets to complicate. You turn on the TV, you can see some guy shoving a long sword down his mouth to call it a stunt.
Complicated people are almost everywhere. But you know what, they are not on Twitter. That's the reason why I love Twitter. They are totally pissed of with Twitter's 140 characters limit. Unlike other platforms, you can't type much crap. "Coming to the point" is what complicated people can't do, so they always have communication problems. They just can't talk in simple language. It is like they are preparing for a PU exam. Now note this, if you ever get into a fight with a complicated person, it's like facing a spin bowler. You don't know whether the conversation is going left - right - or is gonna nutmeg you. The best part is that they have comebacks for everything. Once I was in a fight with the complicated guy and it looked like I was going to win, he had no comeback, so he did this hand movement and told - "I have Tupparweaar" and, I lost.

I have always felt that Chinese people have complicated lives. They weave silk! Do you know how tough that is? Like, you already had so much of cotton, just why kill silkworms?
And they eat noodles. Who invented noodles and what is with those chopsticks? How do those guys use them? First of all, noodles are more slippery than payasam and these chopsticks have almost the same diameter as the noodles. I took me years to learn to use a pencil and Chinese babies can hold 4 thin-long sticks in 10 tiny fingers to eat dinner.
Every time I see something written in Chinese, I assume they are sketches of poor kutcha homes piled next to each other. Like just tell me, how does this look like -  你在做什么.
Chinese names are another pain in the ass. Their names are so long, they invented paper so that, just in case they forgot the kid's name, they could crosscheck the paper(birth-certificate). I'll tell you, China is not the most populated country, India is. It's just that Chinese census guys keep counting the same people again and again because they look similar and increase the number.

 I remember this school skit which goes like this -

Indian setting, plot - An Indian kid say - Mara has fallen into the well.
 Now the kid - Mara has drowned and his friends are like-"Oh fakk, Mara has fallen into the well", all of his friends decide to call his father. They go to Mara's dad and he's like cool, come let's go fukkars. They run to the well and the kid is pulled out.

Now the comparison with a Chinese setting.
A Chinese boy, say- ChingPinuBhonSidiChaLitoShinMinekXing has fallen into the well, all of his friends exclaim - "Oh call ChingPinuBhonSidiChaLitoShinMinekXing's dad!", and run to his father and say,"ChingPinuBhonSidiChaLitoShinMinekXing has fallen into the well". Father exclaims and asks, "Oh, did ChingPinuBhonSidiChaLitoShinMinekXing really fall into the well?" Boys say,"Yes, ChingPinuBhonSidiChaLitoShinMinekXing fell into the well". Now by the time they finish the conversation and reach the well, the kid has drowned. RIP ChingPinuBhonSidiChaLitoShinMinekXing.

You've gotta believe me, this skit won the first place in the competition.

There is one more game, we Indians love to play, Chinese Whisper. Here, one guy whispers something plain and implicit in the ear of the guy next to him, it passes on a circular chain of people and what reaches back to him is something totally explicit and twisted.

Whenever we Indians see some cheap plastic thing around us, we assume that it is a -"China product". Like, if something breaks too easily it's a "Made in China Product". Some guy acts crazy, he is "Made In China". Unable to tolerate this, Modi introduced -"Make in India" to make a Satirical remark on the Chinese sentiments.

Now Chinese guys are so pissed with us, they don't want to stay on the same page as India is.
We are "Democratic", so they are "Communist".
They invented Football, we showed our oppression by kicking the same ball barefoot. We reduced the size of their football and filled it with cork to play Cricket and hit it out of the stadium.
They eat very long noodles, we furiously cut the noodles into very small bits and call it anna-sambar.
Unable to produce legitimate weapons, they are sending in Xiaomi Redmi phones to the Indian-mainstream.
Indians hate Chinese people. Chinese people hate us too. No wonder they have gone to the extent of teaming up with Pakistan to fight India.

But still, they are complicated people and we can win against them, unless they come to us and say, "I have Tupparweaar".

Govardhan